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The band P.  This is the reason Johnny Depp never played music ever again.

Not really.  Well sort of.  He still has one of the most extensive guitar collections and is known to make the most random cameo appearances in pop culture music circles.  He once appeared out of thin air to record rhythm guitar on an Oasis track, made numerous appearances on stage at the Viper Room, and played a gypsy tune on his acoustic guitar as his riverboat went up in flames in the movie Chocolat.  Other than that, P marked the end of any true aspirations Depp had for going into the music profession.  He’d probably figured this much before P came along in 1994 as he had failed at achieving rock stardom in a previous band called The Kids.  I’m sure that crackpot, Gibby Haynes from the Butthole Surfers, coaxed Johnny into this project after he’d sprinkled pixie dust into Depp’s hand-rolled cigarettes while his back was turned.  I’m sure of it.

Regardless, Haynes and Depp went on to form P and produce one fabled album before everyone decided to jump ship.  Flea appears on the album.  Where?  I couldn’t tell you.  Someone else important appears too, but then again, I couldn’t tell you his name.  Why I was sent a copy of an album from over a decade ago is anyone’s guess.  I don’t mind, though, since I have something of a man-crush on Johnny Depp.  It also doesn’t hurt knowing that this album once had poorer circulation than Luther Vandross during its initial release; that means I have what appears to be quite a collectable item.  Is it worth the hassle to procure by spending your hard-earned dough?  Doubt it.  If this hadn’t fallen in my lap like a prodigious relic of the mid-nineties, I would never have sought it out, based primarily on the lack of musical joy it brings me.

It does provide a good kick of nostalgia though.  The gritty, crunchy, fuzzy guitar work by our main man is like pure 90’s extract.  If the guitar work was done by anyone else it would garner lukewarm feelings from me.  However, one must not curse the gods.  Therefore, I state for the record that Johnny Depp is a guitar virtuoso of unreachable magnitude!  That should cover my ass in regards to divine jinxes.  Moving on.

Gibby Haynes, who drawls all the lyrics in unintelligible fashion, sounds as hung over as ever.  You know what?  He probably didn’t even know he recorded this thing until he heard himself on LA radio a couple of months later.  No, better;  he won’t realize he recorded this album until he reads this very review!  In that case:  “Hey Gibby, stop doing everyone’s drugs!”  Or, you know, give them all to me.  One way or the other, you greedy, greedy man.

So, did I like anything?  Well, yeah!  Johnny Depp is guitar’s answer to Jesus, of course.  Um, hmm, what else?  There is a song named Michael Stipe.  That’s kind of funny.  Sort of.  Okay, something else.  C’mon brain! Give me anything.  Johnny Depp is waiting for something good.  I got to appease him!  For the love of Christ give me something!!!!!

Oh. I just remembered.  P does a cover of ABBA’s Dancing Queen and it’s delicious in that funky, wedding band kind of way… or in that mere mortal kind of way!?  Dude, that is so 90’s.