Music reviews. CD reviews. Critically hip!

Why does every idiot that gets a copy of Fruity Loops think he's a dj? Sigh... I hate to be the musical mommy in this situation, but, the powers of mixing beats is a privilege, not a right and I wish someone would’ve told Shane Newville a long time ago. I have no doubt in my mind that if I were on acid or LSD, Newville's CD Formless would be the first one I would grab before my trip really set in. But unfortunately for me, my 'shroom dealer decided to take an extended vacation this past holiday season, and I was left listening to this completely sober, and unless I was going through withdrawals, this album is awful.

In an era of music, where everything sounds the same, I generally enjoy experimental music, all the way down to music that's just a jackhammer and a baby crying. But Formless was simply too much for me to endure, and I was finally broken. Track six, Apartment Break 3000, made me wonder if the point of the song was to make me want to "break" out of my apartment so I could escape having to listen to this song for much longer, if so Good job, Newville! Mission accomplished!

On his Myspace, Newville writes, "Most sound engineers live in anonymity like the Wizard of Oz. They’re great, powerful and unknown. No one pays attention to the man behind the rhythm. But that’s not where Shane Newville was meant to stay." Is it officially redundant if I say once again that Newville should maybe learn from the Wizard and invest in a locked door, rather than a curtain, so he and his music can never be brought to light?

All harshness aside, I will applaud Newville for ability to make song titles, they're short, funny, and leave the listener hoping that the song is as good as the title. On track two, Let these Sounds Caress Your Ears, I found myself wishing I were in a coffee shop somewhere debating politics with this song playing in the background. Samurai Showdown reminded me of every ninja movie I have ever seen, and I caught myself nodding along. These songs show that Newville does have some talent, and if it had been left to cultivate, Newville could’ve immerged as something amazing.

One good thing did come out of this album; it has shown me a great injustice that I never even noticed before. After listening to this CD, I have decided to write Steve Jobs a letter, pleading with him to please place a warning label on the outside of every Mac box, so that the Shane Newvilles of the world can be stopped before they even get the chance to start.