Music reviews. CD reviews. Critically hip!

I don't know if you're aware of it, but jazz musicians HATE Kenny G. It has nothing to do with jealousy. The guy is whitebread, he's been retreading the same idea for almost 20 years, and people have been lapping it up. Worse, his biggest audience, demographically, is the black female, between the ages of 22 and 40, buppies, if you will, with disposable income. G's music is just perfect for getting in the mood to knock the boots, or for playing at parties where scaring all of your white friends is a worrisome consideration. Well, Paul Taylor is the black Kenny G, there is no getting around it. The soprano sax, the long hair, the casual dress, the practically indistinguishable tracks that fade into each other... I can't stand this stuff, give me Ornette Coleman or Art Pepper or late 50s Miles Davis, but get this stuff outta here. My wife, however, LOVES this, and would give it five stars, which will never do, so the one star plus her five stars, divided by 2 equals ***. And you think we arrive at these ratings by guessing!

Here is my problem with Taylor, G, et al: There is nothing especially stirring about this music. You could put this bad boy on, start doing your taxes, and never lose your focus once. There is a gentle funk groove that underlies everything on HYPNOTIC, and the musicianship is technically impeccable. But it reminds me of a soundtrack for a liquor ad on BET. It's a bowl of air, sweet, fluffy air, but air nonetheless. Taylor is undoubtedly a good-looking dude, and he's got the hair and the abdominal sixpack and his shirts unbuttoned down to there and up to there and all of that good stuff, but I don't hear any chops. I don't begrudge the guy anything, but he's the Brittany Spears of jazz. Okay, he's not that bad, nobody in jazz is that bad, he can technically play, but there's no swing to it. Oh, all right, "PT Cruiser" isn't bad at all, I can feel my languid blood start to stir a bit, and God help me, for just a minute there, I was clapping in time to "Pendulum" until I caught myself and embarrassed myself the same way that Herb Albert did on a video I saw back in 1982. "Tuesday Afternoon," however, drags it right back down into a hypoglycemic attack. HYPNOTIC? Yeah but not like watching a Dixie Chicks video, more like zzzzzz, you are now a chicken, go cluck cluck cluck.

Bottom line on this HYPNOTIC: your wife will love it, you will hate it, but if you give it to her for Valentine's Day and let her play it while you're in the room, she'll wear that item you bought for her which is really for you, if you know what I mean. Such a small price to pay.