Nuclear Bombs Rule!

Three Days In the Life Of a Lollapallooza Attendee

Day One: Hippies and Port-A-Potties

Chicago is hot. Unusually hot. Coming from a kid born and raised in the mserable oven America likes to call Louisiana, that’s saying something. This is what I first noticed when my accomplice Jeff and I walked out the front door of the hotel in downtown Chicago.

After arriving in Chicago the night before after a thirteen hour drive from Louisiana, I would like to say I crashed like TWA Flight 800 (Is it too early to joke about this? It’s been 11 years.), but alas, I did not. I did however go to ESPN Zone and get beaten by my mom in a football game in front of a lot of manly men, this is not an ideal situation.

So anyways, I’m tired (and miserably hot) when Jeff and I board the train that will take us to Grant Park to see a plethora of awesome bands.(And to watch people consumer more beer/drugs than any human should in an 11 hour period.) When we arrive at the park, we are immediately greeted by a gargantuan LOLLAPALOOZA inflatable sign that indeed lets us know we are at the correct park... as if we could go wrong! 

Upon reaching security we encounter our first problem, (Well, second problem. Our first problem was the heat. Did I mention that it was hot?) apparently security has a thing against video cameras. Fortunately, the guys they hired to check peoples' bags looked like they were in no position to actually take my camera (They did however suggest I hide it on a busy Chicago street... thanks guys!), and I somehow convinced them to let me inside with the camera.

It was just abotu 1:00 when we were finally settled inside the park, and the handy-dandy keychain schedules some radio station was handing out told us it was time to watch Colour Revolt. Colour Revolt is a really awesome band, unfortunately, I was too antsy from my recent, somewhat bumpy arrival, for their slow-ish indie style. I did however thoroughly enjoy one of their songs titled "Mattresses Under Water" which I was informed falls under the category of their "older stuff,"

After Colour Revolt things got boring until 2:30, which is when The Polyphonic Spree played the main stage. Awesome, fun show, and they covered Nirvana’s "Lithium". Who can argue with that?

Next on the agenda: Against Me! Against Me! is the sole reason I travelled half-way across the country, (Daft Punk was a nice consolation prize.) and they did not disappoint. Against Me!’s live show is one of the best I’ve seen, and was certainly better than last years 30 minute Warped Tour set I attended. They blasted out: "Pints Of Guinness Make You Strong", "Cliche Guevara", and "Sink, Florida, Sink" along with some new goodies such as "Thrash Unreal" and "New Wave" (Which they opened up the set with, good choice, just a little expected.)

After the hot Chicago sun kicked my ass, I saw the aftermath of a nervous teenage boy explain to someone on the phone - in the most panicky voice he could muster - that he had just had his ass kicked.(I do not believe the sun was the culprit.) Now it was on to an air conditioned AT&T tent stationed near the larger main stage where you could play PS3, charge your phone and watch real-time video feeds of bands playing fifty feet away. This was, in my opinion, the closet reincarnation of heaven that AT&T could provide given the circumstances.

Weeks before arriving to Grant Park, I was trying to imagine what the Lollapalooza experience would be like, but mostly I just wondered whether I would have to hold my breath for thirty seconds while pissing in a Port-A-Potty. Luckily, they did have Port-A-Potties, because if they did not line up four thousand rectangular pods for strangers to leave their most foul smelling excretions and have them bake in the sun, I would not have met Tom Gabel and James Bowman of Against Me!

When Jeff told me he needed to use the bathroom, I went along with him, lest I get lost in a crowd of hippies. Upon reaching the Port-A-Potties, I see Tom and James nonchalantly walking by, which gave me about .03 seconds to decide whether or not to talk to the guys at least 50% responsible for making some of my favorite music. I decide to walk up and shake hands with Tom Gabel. (In a state of annoying teenage girl starstruck-esque behavior, I completely forgot James’ name.) The guys were super nice and we took a picture and had a brief conversation about my cell phone, which they were impressed with. I briefly considered giving it to them along with my wallet. Fortunately, I did not!

The rest of day one was carved out by two bands, (for me at least) Satellite Party and Daft Punk. I’m not a fan of Satellite Party. I had never heard them before attending Lollapalooza, I was just pretty sure I didn’t like them. As expected, they were ridiculous and Perry Farrell insisted on introducing every song with an overtly scripted speech. For example: "They said today it was supposed to rain, but I don’t see any...so I declare today...INSANITY RAINS!" This was completely ridiculous and confusing, as I had no idea that they played a song titled "Insanity Rains" until everyone started cheering very loudly.

By the time 8:30 rolled around, I had my glow sticks and acid ready. (Not really.) It was time for Daft Punk! Seeing over 100,000 people crammed in together for two french guys wearing robot costumes is not an event that takes place very often, so I intended to relish the moment...and film it.

The set started off with a good bit of white noise and drone, which turned into some robotic chant I didn’t comprehend ("You may eat a robot", maybe.) which turned into "Robot Rock". About the time they were fusing "Technologic" with "Television Rules The Nation", I realized Daft Punk never plays the album version of their songs so much as they play a ninety minute remix of their more popular songs. All songs featured an awesome light show, (Which was expected when they actually put a huge black blanket over the stage so no one could see what they were setting up.) with "Technologic" having the words scrolled in huge text on the screen behind Daft Punk’s infamous pyramid, and "Television Rules The Nation" being accompanied by a huge screen of static. This turned out to be the best show I’ve ever seen live, ever. Not the best concert I’ve ever been to, but definitely the most visually appealing.

The night was capped off by Jeff and I eating some chicken sandwiches at Johnny Rocket’s and having a very interesting conversation with our waiter who informed us he was working on his Ph.D. in Philosophy. Apparently, Johnny Rocket’s hires some very smart employees... 

Day Two: "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie...Hey! Hey! Hey!"

I honestly can’t remember what the hell Jeff and I did for the first couple of hours of Day Two. I’m looking back on the schedule and we didn’t watch a single band until Silverchair played at 2:30, but I know we arrived before noon. We must have been eating a lot of overpriced food and watching the improv comedy team do the same routine we had seen the day before.

Anyways, Silverchair was playing the main stage and I had to watch them out of obligation as they were the sole reason my accomplice came to the festival. They weren’t half bad though, and I got to see some crazy Aussie fans. (Silverchair, if you didn't know it, is from Australia) They also taught me a super sweet chant, which I guess will come in handy when and if I meet more Australian people...

After Silverchair, I took another break in heaven (a.k.a. AT&T’s Digital Oasis) then proceeded to watch Motion City Soundtrack play on the Myspace stage. They were interesting for... about two songs. After MCS, I travelled what felt like approximately four thousand miles to the other side of the park to watch the Roots, again interesting for around two songs. My opinions were not shared by my peers though, they fucking loved a lot of bands I viewed as unworthy of my time, I guess I just needed some drugs. (And clothes made of hemp!)

Luckily, Regina Spektor was playing merely one stage over from the Roots, as my accomplice and I did not feel like making another pilgrimage to watch a band only to realize we didn’t particularly like them.

Regina opened her set with an a capella song which should have been beautiful, only on the stage next to hers, Roky Erikson & The Explosives were blasting out songs nobody cared about and/or wanted to hear. If Roky Erikson was born to ruin a Regina Spektor show, he can now die, his life goal has been accomplished. Anyways, she went on to play a great show, so all is well that ends well.

After Regina Spektor, I travelled on to see the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s while Jeff watched Snow Patrol. The Yeah Yeah Yeah’s are a very interesting live band. Not because they play undervalued garage rock and their fan base will undeniably tell you that they are way underrated by the general public, but claim they hate the song "Maps" because it’s way overplayed. But because Karen O. is like the queen of ridiculous onstage costume changes. I think she looked like five different idiotic drunk people at Mardi Gras during the course of their set, well done Karen O.

Walking. Walking. Walking. It’s too fucking hot. Must eat. Don’t want to pay $5 for a  small hot dog.

Interpol and Muse were the two headlining bands of night number two. Tough choice. I went with Interpol because they seem like the kind of guys who would snort coke off of a toilet at a trendy NYC party, and I enjoy that. (Again, not really.) I do not own the new Interpol album, so most of the songs that everybody was cheering for were new to me. However, as expected, the place went nuts for "Evil" and "Obstacle One", and I don’t blame them, Interpol put on a hell of a show. But, apparently, Muse put on an awesome show with lights to contest with Daft Punk. (This is most likely debatable.)

Leaving the second night of Lollapalooza was one of the greatest inner-city experiences of my life, or at least one of the funniest. Of course, anti-war hippies are jibbering SOMETHING about George Bush, and they seem angry. They even have signs. It was pretty cute. Anyways, a passerby runs by randomly and shouts out "NUCLEAR BOMBS RULE!" and runs off just as quick as he came. It was a great moment. About a hundred yards away from the hippies, this random guy is handing out free CD’s by this guy named Rick Shapero called "The Ram". Jeff and I are immediately intrigued, because hey, free CD. We could of never, ever, ever guessed what this thing was going to sound like. We look on the back to find song titles such as "Cock and Spring" and "Bridge of Spines", so we’re expecting a laughable metal CD recorded by a D&D enthusiast of the early 80’s. On the contrary, my friend. This turned out to be a FOLK-metal album sung in an odd falsetto... please, please find these songs and listen to them, they’re the funniest thing ever...

Day Three: "Dude, I forgot my phone..."

Waking up for day three was genuinely hard. I felt like I had just spent ten rounds in the ring with Evander Holyfield, and I wasn’t even out of bed yet. We pack up and head to the train. However right around the time we're getting ready to board, Jeffrealizes he forgot his cell phone. He goes back to retrieve the phone because it’s Noon and I’m NOT missing the Cribs at 12:15.

Turns out, this was a good choice. The Cribs are a significantly better live band than when I saw them a year ago. Actually they’re a better all around band. I was glad to hear new hits, including "Men’s Needs", their new single. I had made plans to watch Amy Whinehouse an hour after The Cribs, but I ended up at the MOTO Mindfield where I was dressed up in a baseball catcher’s equipment while I had tennis balls thrown at me. Sometimes life just takes an unexpected turn, ya know?

After people dressed in joker’s outfits threw tennis balls at me, I literally shacked up in the AT&T Digital Oasis for around four hours and played some guy in MLB ’07. He was the Cubs if I remember correctly, and I threw a no-hitter with Dice K going into the 9th inning, and my Red Sox claimed victory.

Some stranger wearing a Boston hat was very compassionate towards me shortly after viewing me beat the Cubs with the Red Sox.

6:00 comes around and it’s time to watch Modest Mouse. I had just seen them a couple of months earlier, but was stoked as ever to see them. They put on an amazing set while I got kicked in the head by crowd surfers.(There is nothing more unnecessary than crowd surfing hippies.) In a super cool outro, Issac busted out into "I Came As A Rat" in the closing minutes of "Spitting Venom". Definitely in my top three shows of the weekend!

All this led up to the final moments of Lollapalooza ‘07.(Or as I like to call it, StokeFest 2k7.) And who better to please 180,000 pot heads than Pearl Jam? No one. However, I was completely sober and found them to be extremely boring. Eddie Vedder went off into some rant about how BP/Amoco are dumping mercury into Lake Michigan and how we shouldn’t support them. This made sense for about half a day, as our first stop on the way home was indeed, BP. (Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, their bathrooms are the cleanest!) I think Jeff and I lasted through thirty minutes of Pearl Jam’s set before we decided to bid Lollapalooza adieu.

The ride home was surprisingly enjoyable, spent relaxing (finally) and re-watching the fifteen minutes of Daft Punk’s set I had taped. I’d like to add a cliche here and say "the weekend went by so fast" or something, but it didn’t. It was a freaking long weekend. Damn that heat. Good thing we were heading back to Louisiana where... well... it’s a lot hotter. Oh well, at least their aren’t any hippies!