I just read that the conglomeration of corporations that fall under the
umbrella of Walt Disney Productions, with the exception of the amusement park
division, are losing money by the mouse ears full. One of the companies owned
by WDP, and the one undoubtedly the most responsible for increasing the
centrifugal force which Uncle Walt's spinning mortal shell has generated
since Michael Eisner took over the reins, is Hollywood Records. The rocket
scientist running this turkey has let another gobbler out of the pen, this
one being the soundtrack to the movie KEEPING THE FAITH.
Maybe I'm being harsh here. After all, "KEEPING THE FAITH" was released by
Touchstone Pictures, another Disney operation. Maybe Hollywood Records had no
choice. Regardless, releasing this soundtrack is the worst decision Hollywood
Records has made since signing that no-talent satanic wannabe Glen Danzig to
a multimillion dollar contract.
This thing is just terrible. Even including "Please Call Me Baby" by Tom
Waits couldn't save it. 10 of the other 17 songs on this bad boy are composed
by Elmer Bernstein (I am not making this up) and orchestrated by Emilie
Bernstein (Elmer, after the sex change, perhaps?). That should be enough of a
tip-off that it's gonna be a long night. But the Numero Uno indication that
you need to find something else to buy is the presence of "Play That Funky
Music (White Boy)" by Wild Cherry. There is an immutable law of the Universe
that holds that any soundtrack that includes "Play That Funky Music" is no
good at all. It is nice to see that in an ever-changing world there is at
least one constant.
If you own any Disney stock, call your broker before it's too late. No one
with any business sense at all would have released this thing. They'll be
lucky if they can recoup the jewelbox costs. Me? I'm gonna load my 12 gauge
Mossburg Persuader up with double aught buck and drive to my local outdoor
range and do a little skeet shooting, using this thing as my target.
PULLL!!! BWWWAMMMM!!!! There. That's better.
Remember. That's "KEEPING THE FAITH." Shipping direct to a 99 cent bin near
you.
